The T Word.

A number of seriously disturbing reports coming from Papua New Guinea about the hunting and killing of witches in both the small villages and larger urban areas. People being dragged from their homes, burned alive, hacked with knives… The disturbing thing, obviously, is not these violent acts, but that it turns out there really are evil witches who use black magic on innocent neighbors.

How do I know this, you ask? It’s simple and obvious. The witch hunters are not savages. They make sure these people are, in fact, witches by eliciting confessions from them. And we can rest assured that these confessions are legitimate because they were obtained using very effective and reliable methods that can be described generally as torture.

I mean, it’s so reliable that the witch hunters are even able to persuade the evil, nasty witches to give up the names of other witches who are, themselves, shown to be guilty of black magic once they’re properly tortured and interrogated. Considering all this, we can certainly understand that these witch hunters in Papua New Guinea are simply using these techniques in order to keep their fellow countrymen safe from the insidious scourge of witchcraft. How terrible it must be for those countries that don’t allow torture to have an evil spell that’s been set to go off any moment and not to have any way of making witches talk. And how lucky the people of Papua New Guinea are to have defenders of their lives such as these witch hunters, who will do what is necessary to keep Papua New Guinea safe.



I’ve started about twelve different posts on torture and the different aspects of the debate that’s been raging recently, but each time I’ve ended up stopping part way through and trashing what I’ve written. So, instead, here are just a few quick thoughts that tended to be pretty constant in these aborted posts:

– The primary reason I haven’t finished any of these posts is that the main argument on the airwaves and in the interweb seems to be centered around whether these torture tactics are effective or not. Starting from that point makes me feel a deep pain of disgust and I just can’t bring myself to break down the two sides. I DON’T CARE whether torture works or not. WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER THAN THAT. How did we even get to the point where we’re debating whether or not inflicting human suffering is an effective interrogation tool? “But, Fletch,” you say, “what if there really was a ticking black magic spell– err, a ticking time bomb and we needed to get the information out as soon as possible in order to save American lives? Don’t you care about American lives?” First, I would tell you (and those who know me know I don’t say this lightly) to burn your TV down because you’ve been watching too much 24, numbskull. Second, no, I still wouldn’t be willing to resort to torture. Once we start that, we’re no longer Americans. I feel like I’ve repeated this a thousand times– the important thing isn’t our lives, it’s our way of life. If we destroy our American ideals then we’re just a bunch of people living in the same general area. Just like (zomg!) Mexico or France. These tough-shit torture apologists apparently aren’t willing to die for the ideals of the country they claim to love.

And I also can’t believe we’re debating about what is and isn’t torture. We’re debating the degree to which we can reasonably make another person suffer pain before it gets to be “too much” or “inhumane” or “a war crime.”

How did we get here? How does anyone find this acceptable?

– It’s apparent that there are a lot of people that still don’t get that this isn’t some silly political game. I’ve seen any number of people arguing that since Nancy Pelosi was supposedly briefed on some of these programs (which may not even be true, it turns out, though that’s not at all the point here) while they were being used then that means that it’s ok that they were authorized and implemented by the Bush/Cheney administration. NO, THAT’S NOT WHAT IT MEANS. If, indeed, it turned out that Nancy Pelosi, or Harry Reid, or even (horrors!) Barack Obama were aware and supportive of these measures, I, and most like me, would be calling for them to be prosecuted as well. The point isn’t which side did it, the point is holding those who broke the law accountable.

– There are plenty of people already on the intertubes railing against the traditional media for refusing to use the word “torture” in their stories, so I won’t belabor that point here. I assume, though, that you find it at least somewhat as irritating as I do, and so I’ve decided that I’ll go ahead and post a few instances of the word here so that you can feel free to cut them out and paste them in the appropriate places while you’re reading your news articles during your personal leisure time. Just sprinkle them wherever you see fit, although you might save a few for future articles that may also need a little help:

Torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture.